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01November2014

Intimacy4Us

Celebrating sex, love and life

On the (G-) spot! – Tips for him and her

“When it comes to women, the best aphrodisiac is words. The G-spot is located between the ears. He that looks for it down South is wasting his time.” These were the words of Isabel Allende, and because of them, her own G-spot has yet to be found!

Of course, this saying is very true. Any man worth his metal knows that phrases such as ‘Sun Goddess Sale’, ‘Unlimited amounts of Ferrero Rocher’, and ‘George Clooney in all his naked glory!’ can drive her to orgasm. This is, of course, not your typical pillow talk and if we were to ask any man if he prefers linguistics or ‘handy’ work when it comes to a woman’s body, it’s probably only the linguistic professors who will prefer the former!

The G-spot is almost 30 years old, and was discovered by Ernst Gräfenberg (many women find the fact that this man didn’t receive some sort of knighthood or sainthood for his effort one of life’s mysteries!). But there are other scientists (who are extremely jealous, Gräfenberg fans would believe) who doubt the existence of the G-spot, and who have performed countless studies to burst to Mr. G’s bubble.

Some research has shown negative results, and other positive. To this day, there is no concrete evidence that the G-spot exists physiologically, though anecdotal evidence suggests otherwise. But if you haven’t discovered that glorious little button yet . . . there is no reason to stop searching!

Where is the G-spot?
This special little place in a woman’s body is a rough, spongy, bean-shaped area in the front wall of the vagina, almost one finger’s length inside her. The area is a highly erogenous zone which, when stimulated correctly, can lead to intense orgasms and heightened levels of sexual arousal. It can be difficult to find the G-spot because the vaginal wall is very muscular, and because it’s more prominent when a woman is sexually excited. It has been reported that this spot can swell to 150% of its normal size, while some experts believe that the G-spot may be the other end of the clitoris.

FOR YOU: How do you find your G-spot, and what do you do with it?
Locating the G-spot is easy for some women, while others may require a few attempts. Don’t put yourself under pressure. Sexual discovery is about the journey, not only the destination.

Become sexually aroused. This will take a bit of homework. Read an erotic story, talk dirty to your husband over the telephone or gently rub your entire body . . . do whatever it takes to get in contact with the sexual being inside of you. The G-spot will start to swell from the increased blood flow when you become sexually aroused, and will be easier to find.

Get comfortable. Lie on your back, on your stomach or squat. Place your palm on your vulva and gently insert a finger into your vagina (use lubricant if you feel a bit dry). Bend your finger into a ‘come here’ position. When you reach your second knuckle, you should find a raised knob or ribbed area on the upper wall of the vagina.

Notice how the G-spot area feels. The area is dramatically different to the typically smooth wall of the rest of the vagina. When you’re aroused, it may feel a little different, so get acquainted with the G-spot contours and sensitivity. Remember that this area reacts to pressure.

Experiment with toys. It may feel strange to stimulate your G-spot with your hands. There are great G-spot vibrators on the market. Place a small amount of lubricant on your vibrator, and if it is curved, insert it so that it points towards the front wall of the vagina.

Experiment with different pressure and movements. Some women enjoy pressure against the G-spot while others prefer vibration. Experiment with sensations to discover what feels pleasurable.

Vary your movements. A circular backwards and forwards motion may be necessary at first, but later you may prefer firmer movements.

Add clitoral stimulation. You’ll know you’ve hit the G-spot when you feel a tingling sensation, the need to urinate and an increase in excitement. When you feel you are nearing orgasm, stimulate your clitoris and keep rubbing your G-spot.

Let go! With repeated stimulation, you will eventually experience a sensation similar to the one you feel when you want to urinate. This causes many women to want to halt the process, yet if you continue, you may receive a nice surprise – ejaculation (this is normal and isn’t urination).

Don’t give up. If you can’t reach orgasm the first time, try again. It can take many practice sessions before you notice anything. Try varying your position, using a different vibrator, changing your breathing or doing Kegel exercises. Also try stimulating your G-spot after an orgasm – when the spot is at its most sensitive.

Don’t set your heart on it. For some woman, G-spot stimulation isn’t as exciting as it is for others. If it isn’t something you enjoy, there are plenty of other techniques to try. http://sexuality.about.com

A few hints:

Sexologist Elmari Craig says that when you look at the vagina like a watch face, the G-spot can be found on the inside, upper wall of the vagina at 12 o’clock. “Because the urethra is just behind this area, some women may not enjoy direct stimulation of the G-spot as it often produces a need to go to the toilet. Because of this, it is sometimes best to stimulate the G-spot indirectly with two fingers on eleven and one o’clock,” she writes in her book die A-Z van Seks (in collaboration with Hennie Stander).

The G-spot can be found using a finger, a sex toy, or when you really know what you’re doing, an erect penis. This can take time, and requires careful exploration with constant feedback. The male prostate gland is referred to as the male G-spot because of its similarity to the female G-spot and their shared ability to help realise deeper, more intense orgasms.

Remember, women can also ejaculate! Some experts believe that stimulation of the G-spot may result in the release of a fluid almost identical in composition to that of prostate fluid after the female orgasm, and sometimes even at the same time. It is believed that this ejaculation goes hand-in-hand with G-spot stimulation, but this hasn’t been proven.

OrgasmesFOR HIM: How do you find her G-spot, and what do you do with it?

Before stimulating the G-spot, you need to pay attention to her clitoris. This will help her release natural lubricants which will make the insertion of your finger more comfortable.

Ask her to lie on her back, and insert the index or the middle finger as far as possible into her vagina. Bend your finger into a ‘come here’ movement and slide your fingertip along the inside upper part of the vaginal wall until you find an area that is rougher than the surrounding area. Make sure that your fingernails are trimmed – sharp talons will definitely spoil the mood! This rough area is the G-spot and when you touch it, she’ll either react with surprise or pleasure!

The best positions are those which give you easy access so that you can let your fingers do the talking. Here are two suggestions: 1. She lies on her back with you lying next to her, using your arm as support. 2. She sits in a doggy-style position while you sit behind her and wrap your arm around her body, using your hand to stimulate her. If you don’t get an immediate reaction, ask her if it feels more sensitive when you touch the part that you think is the G-spot. You may need to apply quite a bit of pressure as the G-spot lies within the muscular vaginal wall.

The best way to stimulate the G-spot with your hand is to tap on it firmly with bent fingers. For some people, it is easier to stimulate the G-spot using different toys. The ideal sexual aid for G-spot stimulation is hard and curved, with some designed specifically for this type of stimulation. Curved toys mean that no guesswork is necessary. Experts believe that using your fingers is the easiest way for her to reach orgasm, and that the chances of success are higher than with penetration.

There are certain sexual positions that work well for G-spot stimulation. Sit on the edge of the bed with your wife on top of you, her legs wrapped around your back. While you penetrate her, she can control the depth so that it stimulates her G-spot.

You may consider yourself as one of the best handymen under the sun, but she may not like your handiwork! Some woman simply don’t like direct G-spot stimulation, but may enjoy the penis rubbing against it during intercourse. If your penis bends naturally upwards, your ‘tools’ are perfect . . . but if you aren’t as lucky, you’ll need to find positions which facilitate maximum penis contact with the front wall of the vagina. For this, woman on top or doggy-style positions are best.

The only way that you are going to be able to stimulate your wife’s G-spot in the missionary position is to lift her hips using cushions.

It helps to place your other hand on the outside of the mons pubis (the pubic hair above the pelvic bone) and lightly massage the skin on the outside, while your fingers are busy working inside. This will strengthen the effect.

Remember that not all women’s G-spots are sensitive. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get the reaction you had hoped for. While some woman can reach multiple orgasms through this kind of stimulation, some don’t experience much of a sensation, and may even report discomfort.

There aren’t ‘better’ or ‘more adult’ types of orgasm. G-spot and clitoral stimulation are both wonderful! Don’t make your wife feel that her inability to reach a certain type of orgasm makes her sexually handicapped. Wherever an orgasm comes from, and however it is reached, it remains a sensational experience for every woman!

A piece of good news!

Certain research has shown that the intensity of G-spot orgasms is controlled by the hormone oestrogen. For most women under 30, clitoral orgasms are more powerful thanks to relatively high levels of oestrogen which make the vaginal wall too thick to allow direct stimulation of the G-spot. As estrogen levels decrease in women in their 30s, the vaginal wall becomes thinner and the G-spot easier to find – another reason why women say that they only reach their sexual peak in their thirties!

Additional sources: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pleasing Your Woman by Eve Salinger; www.askmen.com